


My Random Supernatural Feels and Headcannons

by sunshinegirl



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:31:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6939913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinegirl/pseuds/sunshinegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically me just expressing all of the feelings I have about Supernatural. Sometimes there will be short fics, sometimes I just analyze an episode, sometimes I just include some random fangirl babbling. Enter if you dare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I watched season 3, episode 11 "Mystery Spot" and had a lot of feelings. I wrote this over a year ago. It's not a good episode analysis or anything. It doesn't even stick to a single POV. I basically just wrote down everything I thought and felt while watching it. XD Feel free to comment with your own fangirl/fanboy babbling over this episode - it's one of my very favorites!

**Mystery Spot**

Sam in this episode. Omigosh. I wanna talk about how when he tells Dean that he's stuck in a time loop, ("Like Groundhog Day?" "Exactly!") even though Dean thinks Sam is possibly losing his mind - which probably scares him - he says, "Whatever this is, we'll figure it out." He stops joking for a moment, looks his brother in the eye and sees the pain and just knows that he'll do whatever it takes to comfort him. How must Sam feel, though? His brother - the person he cares about more than anything on the planet - dies. Over and over. There's nothing he can do to stop it. The hopelessness must just overwhelm him. Dean is there with him every Tuesday but after awhile it stops feeling like Dean. It's just a robot across the table from him, programmed to say and do the same thing every day. Sam can't bring himself to even smirk at Dean's stupid jokes. What's the point? Dean won't remember any of it.

Watching Sam the first Tuesday hurts. He brushes his teeth and is entertained by Dean gargling water next to him. He's annoyed and slightly amused at the coating of toothpaste on the outside of the tube. How did Dean even get it all over like that? He smiles at his brother's excitement over Pig n’ a Poke. Seriously, what is that? But then, it happens. They break into the Mystery Spot. Pretty routine stuff. It happens so fast, Sam's not even sure exactly what happened. All he knows is he's holding his brother in his arms, watching the life drain out of him. The threat of losing his brother had been hanging over him for months but he had never believed it would really happen. He was going to find a way to stop it. He was going to save Dean. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

That Wednesday, though. Sam is SO excited. The way he kinda bounces across the bed, "This isn't the most beautiful song you've ever heard?" He's like a kid on Christmas morning, eyes sparkling with delight. He's finally able to smile at Dean again, "No breakfast." When Dean heads outside and Sam is packing his stuff, he can barely stop smiling. He thought he'd never feel this kind of joy again. Then he hears the gunshot. Horror floods through him and he races outside to see Dean dying. For the hundredth time. But he was no longer numb to it. It was supposed to be over. This time felt as real as the first had. He holds his brother in his arms and waits to wake up. Waits for the nightmare to start over. But it doesn't. This time it's not a dream. His brother is really gone.

Months pass and all Sam can seem to do is obsess over finding the trickster. The one person who can give his brother back to him. He continues in the family business. Alone. Saving people, hunting things. He's horrified at first to find what his anger makes him capable of. He shuts himself away from Bobby, he kills mercilessly, and takes no joy in anything. He finds himself still ordering burgers for Dean which sit uneaten next to him on the table. He brushes his teeth in silence every morning. He wants more than anything to hear Dean gargling next to him. He finds himself staring at the clean tube of toothpaste and he can't believe how much he misses when it used to be caked in the dried minty paste.

Then he gets the call from Bobby, "I found him." He finds Bobby and doesn't hesitate for a moment when he's told he needs to kill someone. When he rams the stake through "Bobby's" heart, he's sure of himself. It was NOT Bobby. But when nothing happens, he begins to doubt. Had he just killed Bobby, the man who had been like a father to him and Dean? "Bobby?" He said brokenly, tears beginning to form in his eyes. What had he done? But then the trickster appeared. Sam realized he didn't have any explanation to offer for why he so desperately needed Dean back. "He's my brother." Sam was broken. He had been fighting for months, searching for the trickster and now he had found him. So he just pleads for his brother to be returned to him. "Please. Just... please." Sam's face is just the most heartbreaking thing ever. Those tear-filled puppy dog eyes just begging for the thing he wants most. His brother.

Sam wakes up and the first thing he sees is Dean, just casually brushing his teeth like nothing had happened. Sam hasn't seen his brother in months and the pure relief and love for his brother that overtake him leave him breathless. He strides wordlessly over to Dean and pulls him into his arms. Dean is too surprised and confused to hug back but that's okay. Sam just needs to feel that his brother is really there with him. Needs to feel his heart beating. Needs to smell the strange combination of mint and gunpowder that Dean carried every morning. When Sam pulled back, Dean searched his eyes. Checking up on his baby brother the way he always did when Sam seemed upset. But Dean could see the relief in his eyes. The kid looked exhausted but Dean thought he would be alright. "You're not going anywhere alone." Sam said tearfully and so Dean didn't. For a couple of days, Sam hovered like a mother hen. When Dean insisted that he give him room to breathe, "I'm a big boy, Sammy. I'll be okay." Sam backed off a little. Dean would still notice him just staring at him sadly sometimes and he always acted squirrely on Tuesdays. But Dean tolerated it. One time, "Heat of the Moment" played in a store and Sam hurried out and was shaky for the rest of the day despite how much Dean tried to calm him down. To Sam, nothing felt real for a long time and he was only just beginning to recover when Dean's year came to an end.


	2. Wee!chester Ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had some wee!chester feels so I wrote a tiny blurb.

John let out another yell of pain and Dean flinched as if he were the one who had been struck. “Dad!” Dean yelled. He struggled desperately against the ropes around his wrists. His gaze scanned the room quickly, looking for anything he could use to get himself out of this situation, to save his dad, to save his brother… Sammy! Dean swung his head around quickly and looked at his little brother. He swallowed hard when he saw the fear in Sam’s eyes. Sam was watching with wide, terrified eyes as John continued to be tormented by the monster that had captured them. “Sam!” Dean called, and Sam’s horrified gaze met Dean’s. “Sammy, just look at me, okay?” Sam nodded, a tear rolling down his cheek. Sam looked so helpless like that. Tied up, his still-pudgy cheeks covered in dirt and tear tracks. His messy curls falling into his big eyes. And he looked so scared. Dean’s gut twisted and he tried to give Sam a confident smirk but it felt more like a grimace. “It’s alright, Sam. Dad’s got this. Heck, he’s probably already figured out a way to get us out of here.” Sam nodded, his gaze never leaving Dean’s face.


	3. Sam's Hoodie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a "missing scene" from the season 1 episode 'Faith'. Because everyone's favorite thing about the episode is Dean wearing Sam's hoodie. We all know it. It's too adorable to handle. So I wrote a little scene about it.

“Here,” Sam said. “I brought your duffel bag like you asked.”  
“Thanks, Sammy,” Dean rasped. Sam hated how weak Dean’s voice sounded. He lowered himself onto the end of Dean’s bed.  
Sam sat with Dean until his big brother fell asleep. He was anxious to get back online to keep researching. There had to be a way to cure Dean. He couldn’t think anything else. Dean let out a quiet moan in his sleep and Sam put a hand to Dean’s forehead. It felt hot to the touch but Sam could feel that Dean was shivering. Sam quickly slipped off the hoodie he was wearing and tucked it around Dean’s shoulders. Dean blinked open his foggy, fever-filled eyes.  
“Hey,” Sam said softly. “Go back to sleep. I was just trying to get you warm.”  
Dean looked down at the hoodie tucked around his shoulders and started to sit up.  
“What are you doing?” Sam asked, putting his hands on Dean’s shoulders to keep him from sitting up.  
“Tryna put it on,” Dean mumbled.  
Sam nodded and helped Dean sit up and slip the hoodie on. “There you go,” Sam soothed as Dean laid back down. Dean crossed his arms tightly across his chest and closed his eyes. In just a few moments, Dean’s breathing had evened out a little as he fell back asleep. Sam looked at his big brother. Dean looked so helpless and small in the oversized hoodie, his face crumpled up in pain even as he slept. Dean was dying. Sam blinked back the sudden rush of tears that came to his eyes. He stood up quickly and sat in the chair next to the bed. He pulled out his laptop and began searching desperately for an answer. He had to save Dean. He just had to.


End file.
